I’m sure by now you’ve all heard that Mitch Trubisky drove his 1997 Toyota Camry all the way from North Carolina to Halas Hall. What a fun, innocent story right? WRONG. Since nobody in the Bear’s brain trust wants to be a responsible guardian for the franchise, I guess I will have to assume that role for them; no thanks are necessary I am just doing my part. While the Bear’s front office and social media accounts are yucking it up over this whole story, I am going to start asking the questions that matter.Screen Shot 2017-05-16 at 9.29.34 PM

Why in the hell are you going to force the future of your franchise to drive across the country in a car produced a full year before Britney Spears graced the American people with her talents? I want the young man covered in bubble wrap, delivered in an army tank, surrounded by a brigade of armored vehicles with possibly even some sniper coverage. If you are going to trade away 3 extra mid-round picks to move up one spot to get this guy, I want, nay I demand, the Bears do everything in their power to keep him safe. Letting Mitch drive 800+ miles from Chapel Hill, NC to Lake Forest in a car that can spontaneously combust at any moment is NOT keeping him safe. I don’t mean to be the overprotective parent who makes their kid wear a caged helmet in t-ball, but damn the car is 20 years old! I don’t even think seatbelts were invented yet when this car was made. Could you imagine driving that far in a vehicle that isn’t AUX cord compatible? I would drive that car off the road within my first 100 miles just to put me out of my misery, so it’s a miracle Mitch made it all the way here in one piece. The McCaskey’s got lucky this time, and I’m glad everybody got some laughs from this wacky story, but make no mistake- I will be monitoring the Bears for negligent acts of endangerment moving forward, because next time they may not get so lucky.

**By the way, how the hell is the starting Quarterback for UNC driving around in that POS? I know the Tar Heels are just getting over recruiting sanctions, but the boosters gotta be better than this. You don’t need make it obvious and get the kid a Ferrari or anything flashy but damn, buy the poor boy a nice, reliable, gently used Kia Sorento, or something else from this decade. Jeez, figure it out UNC boosters.